Adoption & Foster Families
"God sets the lonely in families."
Psalm 68:6
My wife, Sharon and I began Fostering in 2001 and in September 2005 we became adoptive parents. We have one son who is truly a gift. Words fail to adequately communicate what joy and laughter this beautiful boy brings into our life. Yet, as with all things beautiful there are also wounds and questions he, and you as well, will in time have that must be addressed. Transitioning through this phase is often prolonged and difficult for all involved. Yet, such times are necessary in order for the family to learn, assimilate, heal and grow through together.
The attachment process is different for every child. Much depends on when your foster or adoptive son or daughter comes into your home, at what age and under what circumstances. Family of origin issues, extenuating mental and/or health issues should be taken into consideration as well as the number of placements prior to coming into your home. The issues involved may be few or extensive, but regardless will always be significant.
Generally, the earlier a child comes into a permanent home situation the prospect of developing secure attachment are improved. However, that does not mean there are not issues to address as the child becomes increasingly aware that he or she has two sets of parents, perhaps two different sets of siblings and so on.
Conversely, an older child entering your home comes under differing circumstances and will understandably manifest conflict in different ways. You may see more instances of Avoidant and/or Insecure Attachment that shows itself in other ways behaviorally. Such instances do not mean that the child doesn’t yearn for or does not want a trusting, secure and loving relationship with you. It more likely means they don’t know how to go about it and need consistent interaction and positive encouragement to try a new approach. With a clearer understanding of the issues involved and the support of others who have been where you are, you will be better equipped to assist their growth and yours as well.